Dear Health Visitors.. We don’t live in tribes anymore

As much as it would be amazing,  we mostly don’t live in tribes. Where we can breastfeed for as long as possible because our friends could take over and we could rest.

Or where our older children can  just run free, safely, outside together all day. Where there is  no pressure to earn money money, money. Just working to eat and being happy with that because we dont know any different.

Sounds amazing.

The reality is so so many women, after becoming mothers have felt this immense pressure to do what is ‘somebody’ says ‘is the right thing’ when it comes to parenting. From the second we give birth if we chose to breastfeed for all the right reasons,  the pressure to keep on  breastfeeding if we are having a tough time is immense and although I am a firm believer that ‘breast is best’, most of us do not live in tribes surrounded by people to support us every minute of the day and take over and help if its painful, if they have tongue tie, if they are up all night with colic and you have a 2-year-old to deal with all day. Tiredness can break you!

We live in houses where one person normally goes off to work first thing in the morning and the other one is left alone to deal with it.

So maybe next time you are telling a mum who really WANTS to breastfeed that they should ‘keep on trying, because its best for baby’ even though they are in excruciating pain, tiredness and GUILT, you should think outside that tick box and think what’s best for mum.

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9 thoughts on “Dear Health Visitors.. We don’t live in tribes anymore

  1. I breastfed both my kids too, but the tiredness I felt that time was very bad that I’m not appreciating the benefits of it anymore. Yes its true, we live in the society now where we’re mostly self-reliant, so dealing with a baby and a toddler alone while trying to breastfeed made the experience so unpleasant. Lovely post! #abitofeverything

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  2. I think this is true, we’ve gone from having families round, to communities to moving away and being fairly self reliant. Often the support network isn’t there to help with older kids. And of course there is the move to more attachment methods, the rise of being a Pinterest perfect parent and all of the added pressure that we put on ourselves without feeling pressured from other sources.

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  3. I had an aweful time in the first few weeks of having mu first boy because my health visitor was so insistant I keep up breast feeding. I didnt find it difficult but due to him being given top up bottles in the hospital for his first week (I cant even remember whym just that the doctor said he had to have top ups) he was just too lazy to feed from me. He was losing weight and I was so stressed.
    When I finally had the balls to do it my way, M started thriving, but the pressure she put me under im sure added to my PND.
    Second time round I just lied about breast feeding!!
    Thanks for linking up, Tracey xx #abitofeverything

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      1. Yes. After M was born, I felt very much like the wrapping of a present. Once the important bit had been taken out, I was considered not at all important xx

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  4. Great post! I’ve never considered that health visitors treat women like we live in tribal communities-it’s such a great description of the truth! I think my biggest bugbear with having a baby, is the pressure to breastfeed. Not just from health care professionals, but other parents, the old woman having a coffee next to you in the coffee shop, the WHOLE WORLD!! I want to make it my mission to stop this pressure, as its absolute nonsense!
    #abitofeverything

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